well today i didnt go to the hospital its bonfire night here so we promised to take the kids to a display of fireworks ect  we had a nice time and the kids loved it

when i got home i called my dads partner and she told me that the doctor thinks whilst my dad has the trache in place he wont be able to talk unlike others my dad has no air passing through so he cannot make a sound at all they are not 100% sure why this has happened it isnt normal they are having a meeting tomorrow plus the results from biopsys are back tomorrow so they will decied were to go from here.He still has a temp and they dont know where the infection is!  omg i knew this wouldnt be str8 forward it just never is when my family go into hospital.I am so scared for him and sorry for him

ever feel like your heart is bleeding?  yea ive felt like this before when my mum was in hospital and when my sister was in the hospice  i am trying to stay possitive but its getting so hard

ive been going to the hospital everyday to see dad and he is having bad days and OK days he said having the trache is 1000 times worse than the radio therapy he is really sruggling to come to terms and cope with this i just hope it gets easier for him.

Sorry to my friends that ive not been on to chat to you  mostly this is becuz i am just too tired the hospital is 30 miles and were not getting home till after 9 each night and all i wana do is fall in bed.I try and check emails in the morning before i go but dont always get time to.

They havent even mentioned when dad will be coming home yet on monday he has a different tube fitted as the one he has now wont allow him to make any sounds what so ever.They are going to learn us how to change it for him i just hope i will be up to doing that.

thank you for your well wishes for us all   liza x

So yesterday was one of the hardest days of our lives dad had to have a tracheotomy he was having episodes where he just couldnt breath So i got his routine appointment brought forward and yesterday they did the trache it was so horrible seeing my dad so scared.We were waiting at the hospital all day and only got to spend a few mins with dad when he came out of surgery.Dad was in shock and couldnt speak at all was so upsetting for everyone.But when alls said and done if he didnt have this he wouldnt have made it for much longer,the doctors told us he was amazed my dad had made it this far with the very small opening he was trying to breath through.

please all keep us in your thoughts  liza x

I am sure of it there  is someone/thing  that dosesnt want me to be happy ever just when i think things are looking up and i start to relax and feel content something always has to happen to push me back down again.

2 days ago we were so happy we have got back intouch with some of our family again after not talking for nearly a year we have our sister brother inlaw and baby nephew back again and were so happy he is such a sweet little boy and i have my sister inlaw again who is also a very good friend to me.So life was good all round.

then i get a call 2 days later than i should have i may add saying my dad was taken into the hospital emergencey as he couldnt breath he had gone blue. The narrowing in his throat is really starting to effect him now he is strugling now  even thou he has the all clear from cancer right now he is the most ill ive seen him he cant sleep he doesnt want to eat and still the breathing problems go on.When i got off the phone i was sooooo angery noone had called me so nearly 2 days later i hear whats happened.I know they are trying to stop me getting stressed but grrrrrrr hes my dad i wana know whats happening with him,Never mind me and my state of mind  he is whats most important.

Well  i have good news on dad  talk about relief ,The doctors managed to get a camera up his nose and down his throat they took photos and there is still no cancer. He explained that my dad didnt do too well when they tried to put him to sleep and implyed that it was dangerous at times.and it could take him weeks to get over that they tried to force the pipe in his throat 3 times so now its very raw so dad isnt well at all right now but the very main thing is the cancer is there .

thanks girls for listening to me babble on i gotta admit is does help to write down  things

hugs

Hi all

well still no news on dad or what they are going to do next  monday is when he next goes to the hospital i will keep you posted thank you so much for the positive energy.

ive got flu!!! i feel terrible sore throat runny nose and now its going to my chest so if i dont post you know ive taken to my bed for a few days.

on a brighter note im going to re open a members area all my old lifetime members will get a free membership im totally addicted to pixeling so i thought its about time i came back.

below ive posted the email i sent to all with my reasons why ….

end of the story is  i love to pixel so to those that will have me im back  for those that cannot forgive my hasty actions  you dont have to join back  but ill be adding new stuff to that new members area  members or not I feel bad for leaving my members and i might not have much to offer them right now but id like to start and give something back.

Yesterday was just horrible  (please excuse the spelling mistakes)

my dad had to be at the queens medical center hospital at 7.45 am for a biopsey so they could see if the cancer had gone or not,they were concernd it haddnt as his breathing sounds and his voice was really bad so they needed to check.My hubby took him along with my dads  partner  vera.I couldnt go ive got both my kids off school with colds.So i waitied …I knew that somthing was going to happen it was more than a feeling i knew! Wayne came home after dropping off dad and vera and i told him i know somethings going to happen with my dad today , dad has been off work these last few days and that in its self is enough for me to worry as he loves his job.

So at 1pm i got text telling me hes just been taken down for his surgery  when 3pm came and id had no call from vera i knew something was up,I eventaully got a call at 5pm telling me they are keeping dad in the hospital his breathing is not good they suspect chest infection and he didnt take too well to being put to sleep.

omg talk about panic i was sooo scared  straight away i thought of my mum and how she died in the same hospital  after suffering 2 brain hemorages she died of a chest infection.Hubby took me and the kids over to the hospital.

thank goodness by the time id got there they were just putting him on a ward and he looked fine. I was soooo relieved  It turns out that dad has so much scare tissue and cartalidge(from radio therepy)  in this throat that they couldnt perform the surgery his opening down there is very very tight and they suspected  that after they had been prodding around down there   that there would be some swelling and they were fixing to do an emergancey trackeotemy.But as he recovered he was able to say hey this is normal for me this is how ive been breathing since the treatment so they waited and now he seems to be OK. they did scans ect to find out just how narrow so maybe they will try again to do the biopsey.

I have phoned the hospital this morning and all i was told is  they are having a meeting this afternoon to see where they go from here. You see they still need to find out about the cancer  i am just so worried knowing he has this small opening and knowing how much coughing wheezing and shocking he does scares the heck outta me

now im off to get dressed drink some tea and get my head in gear for the kids  please keep us all in your pray  liza x

Dad just came around to tell me the doctors want him to have another biopsy. I just knew the last visit to the doctors was too good to be true.I know when my dad is not right and hes not  his voice is getting worse his breathing is so loud and shakey but ive been trying my best to be possitive and will continue to but its just so hard not to think the worst.

My anxity is through the roof today so i am going to try and pixel to take my mind off things. Why is it  that i cant just for five mins be happy and content …

Today my dad goes for another check up for those who didnt read my old blog.My dad has been suffering throat cancer, last month we had the first bit of good news.They told him they are happy theres no cancer there right now.Wow was that a suprise because he has not stopped smoking even now after all we have been through.So today i pray for good news again but as always when anything happens  i am anxious panicing and feeling really low.

Tomorrow i start another month of clomid the hospital says the older a person is the longer it takes to work hmmm im not so sure its ever going to work but we will see. 

So if you do pray to god please say one for me if you dont please send all that possitive energy my way today girls

love n hugs liza x

Im back!!!!!

yep we started over it was easier on my brain i  moved hosts  and so here i am starting over.

Today is very special its my daughter ellies 11th birthday! ellie is our first baby she is a wonderful person and im so proud to be her mummy.

but ellie your really must stop this growing up thing i know its my job to feed you and make you into a adult but this has gone far enough! no more growing my heart and my purse  cannot take it any more LOL

have a wonderful birthday my special princess me and your dad love you beyond any words could say the day you came into our lives  “your birthday”  was the best day of my life  and i hope each year it will be yours too

with all my heart   mummy